Broken and Still Chosen

The beach is one of my favorite places to spend time.  The last few days my family and I have enjoyed the sand and sun while basking in one another's company.  Yesterday, my children and I spent some time walking the shores of the Intracoastal Waterway in search of shells.  Aubrey was on a mission to find a clam shell that had its two halves still in tact.  Brody just looked for anything cool, and in fact came away with a crab shell and a spare crab claw.  I kept an eye out for pretty shells, pointing them out with my toe so that the kids could have the joy of picking up the treasures and depositing them in their buckets.

As I scanned the sand, I saw a nice-sized clam shell that was in great shape.  Or so I thought.  I called Brody over, indicating the shell as he eagerly reached down for the grab.  As I started to walk on, I heard him say, "But mommy, this one is broken!"  I looked back to see him holding the shell to show me the jagged edge.  The shell was not as great looking as I had originally thought.  "It's okay buddy," I said, "you can keep it even if it's broken. It's still a pretty shell."  He shrugged okay, placed the shell in his little yellow bucket and went on his merry way.

While we continued our journey I began to reflect on that shell.  It had seemed to be almost perfect. However, because it was somewhat buried, the sand had covered the shell's flaws.  How long had that shell been laying there with its beauty showing forth for all to see but its brokenness hidden by the sand?  How many others had reached down to pick up that shell, only to see the rough edge and toss it back to the sand?  And how much are we just like that shell?

We all have been broken in this life.  And if you haven't experienced anything of the sort, don't worry -  you will.  Jesus assured us that in this life we will have troubles (see John 16:33).  The troubles and trials often leave us with jagged edges, rough to the touch, that scar our appearance.  And how do we handle our brokenness?  Do we put our imperfections on display for all to see?  Not usually.  We cover them up with all sorts of things.  Just like that shell in the sand, we seek to hide our blemishes with the surroundings of our environment so that only the "pretty" and "acceptable" parts of our lives are visible to others.  

As I pondered how much I was like that shell, I was comforted in knowing that I have a Savior who chose to pick me up ... "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." (Psalm 40:2)  Not only that,  my Redeemer died for me while I was yet a sinner (Romans 5:8).  He didn't mind that I was a broken mess, He loved me first.  And now that I am His, I take comfort in knowing that "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3) My rough edges were not a reason for Him to toss me back in sand, and my brokenness becomes the means by which He shows me He is the great healer.  

Tonight is the eve of the one year anniversary of my marriage to a wonderful husband, Landon.  He shows me Christ in so many ways and one of the first ways he did so was by choosing me, despite my fractured past, to be his wife.  After divorce, I wondered if anyone would want such a damaged woman.  Trials had injured me; and even though I had allowed Christ to repair me, I had scars.  Lots of them. I wanted to hide those imperfections in the sand, but with shaky trust I hesitantly shared them with Landon.  It was like the moment of revealing the shell, free from the sand, and discovering the jagged edges.  Would he keep me or toss me back?  I'll never forget the words he said: "Are you a new creation in Christ?" I met his gaze and said "Yes."  He responded, "Okay then, the past is over."  

He picked me up out of the sand!  He kept me!  (And yes, we were married on the beach!) Just as my heavenly groom had picked me up out of the miry pit of clay and healed my wounds, my earthly groom showed me that he loved me, no matter how many chips in my exterior.  

I think I will keep the shell that is pictured at the start of today's post.  It reminded me of some important truths in my life.  Thank you Lord for using a broken shell to refresh me with your love ... 

  

"A God Itch"

It's been a week since I last posted to my blog.  One may ask if I have nothing to reflect on in the past week, but as always there has been plenty going on.  For instance, I spent two days of the last seven cleaning out my garage and garage closet.  Oh my was that an adventure.  I also spent one day pulling weeds from the flower garden in front of my house.  There were lots of weeds and may I add that my hamstrings are still feeling the pain!  But the front of the house looks great!  The kids were with me for most of that work around the house, so trust me when I say there was plenty of blog fodder up for grabs!

The last couple of days, however, have been heavy with deep meditation.  I've wanted to blog, but instead I wrote last night in my prayer journal (you know, one of those books with actual lined paper and you use a pen to write your thoughts).  I needed that private time with my thoughts.  I needed to see the ink flow from my pen just as my heart's contemplations were pouring out of me in tears.  I needed to be able to read my prayers in my own handwriting, to know that I had released the questions I had been trying to restrain.  I had a need to pray and write, like an itch that had to be scratched.

Yesterday, as my husband Landon and I were slumbering away the morning, we talked and held each other in snug comfort.  As we were chatting, I had an itch on my right arm.  I needed my left arm to scratch it, but my left arm was wrapped up, unable to reach far enough to satisfy the itch.  I struggled a little against my husband and, thinking I was initiating horseplay, he held me tighter until I told him that I had an itch and I just had to get to it!  Oh the relief when my left arm finally made it across my body to scratch it's right side counterpart!

Landon made the comment that an itch was so amazing ... how your mind sends out that signal to scratch and you can't hold back - you must scratch!  He then said, "wouldn't it be something to have a God itch?  You know, have such a need for God that you can't do anything else till you scratch it?"  As I've reflected on his question, I've realized how important it is for us as believers to know a God itch when one comes along.

What made my arm itch yesteray morning?  I don't know exactly, but something did.  Maybe it was a stray hair from my head.  Perhaps it was a fuzzy from the blanket.  It might have been a tiny speck of dust that landed on my arm and tickled my nerve endings just enough.  But whatever it was, however small or large, the response was an itch that had to be scratched.

So how do we get a God itch?  And have you ever had one?  Ever had one of those moments when the need to meet with your Lord was so strong you couldn't do anything else till you fulfilled it?  I believe I had a God itch yesterday as I wrote (on paper with ink) in my prayer journal.  But what brings us to those moments?  What got me to the point that I just had to express my prayers in writing, something I used to do regularly but haven't done in a while?  Just like the blanket fuzz or speck of dust, God uses circumstances in our lives to cause an itch for Him.  A need that nothing other than time alone with Him can relieve.

The psalmist wrote of feeling a God itch when he said "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?" (Psalm 42:1-2)  Nothing would satisfy his thirst, only God.  He had an itch that needed to be scratched.  I truly believe that each redeemed soul living here on earth and walking with the Lord should have a need like this for the Savior.  And when our desire for our Lord wanes, for whatever reason, God will give us an itch with His name written all over it.  You can try to ignore it, or get your mind off of it by thinking of something else, but that God itch will not go away till you steal away with your Lord and scratch it.

My own God itch is still in need of scratching.  One night of prayer did not satisfy.  I praise the Lord for bringing me closer to Him with this itch, and is it ever a big one.  Like the psalmist, my soul is panting for God, my itch is requiring my time...I must go now where I can meet with God.  I ask that each of you following my blog please be in prayer for the circumstances in my family that have caused this God itch.  May we draw closer to Him with every scratch ...  

"The devil's just the devil!" ... "And chips are just chips!"

I love conversations with my kids; you never know what sort of unexpected turns their jabber may take.  Some of the most enjoyable talks are the ones in which Brody, age 6, attempts to shed light on a subject with which Aubrey, age 4, is struggling.  But just yesterday they both brought something to the table that pierced their mom a lot deeper than either of them realized.

As Aubrey and I were standing around the kitchen bar, munching on potato chips and french onion dip, a theological discussion of sorts ensued.  She mentioned the Holy Spirit and then the devil.  Trying to reconcile the two in her mind, she asked me if the devil was the holy spirit.  I answered her, explaining  (in 4-year-old language) the concept of the Trinity - God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit (a tough subject) - and how the devil is none of those but instead the enemy.  I saw on her face that she still wasn't sure exactly what the devil is ... is he a person?  a spirit?  From the adjacent sunroom, Brody pipes up and exclaims with confidence, "Aubrey, the devil's just the devil!"  Satisfied by his answer, Aubrey smiles at the chip in her hand and matter-of-factly replies, "And chips are just chips!"

I'm chuckling out loud as I type ... I wish I had this moment on video and could play it over and over again.  If you know Brody and Aubrey, you can just picture the scene: the big brother so eager to enlighten his little sister, my little girl's smiling blue eyes as she enjoys her snack ... but you may ask, how did my children's honest offerings to this amusing chat pierce me?

Well, let's start with chips.  I love chips.  They are most definitely my snack of choice.  Just think with me for a minute of how great they are - they're splendidly crunchy and crispy, salty and flavorful, good to dip or just eat plain, they come in so many varieties, need I go on?  My mouth is watering for some now!  I love chips.  But, chips are just chips.  They really don't offer much good to my diet.  Let's ponder their nutritional benefits ... I'm coming up with nothing.  But oh how I enjoy them while I partake.  However, I don't feel good after eating, usually because I've indulged a bit too much.  If I'm not careful,  I can eat a whole bag before I even realize it! And then, the consequences.  I can feel the added weight of my favorite snack in my belly for hours. They leave a greasy film on my fingers that I have to go wash off.  And no matter how hard I try, there is always the tell-tale trail of crumbs that I leave behind. No matter how you crunch them, chips are just chips.

Now, as I considered the deplorable facts of my favorite snack, my son's statement came alongside in a striking parallel - "the devil's just the devil."  Consider this:  the devil was once a beautiful angel, created to glorify the one and most holy God.  But we all know how that turned out.  In his arrogant pride, he sought to glorify himself over God, and that angel was cast out of heaven.  And who is he now?  He's just the devil.  That old sly serpent. But oh how he presents himself so much better, "And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light." (2 Corinthians 11:14)

Let's break it down, shall we?  Facts are, in his bewitching ways, the devil shows up behind every one of those awful things we call sins.  Now, it's easy to say "sins are bad for me."  Go ahead, say it.  Not hard at all, huh?  Just like it's easy for me to say "chips are bad for me."  Nevertheless, I partake of sins just like I partake of chips.  The chips look so good, and smell so good, and taste so good ... the sins seem so fun, so innocent, so enjoyable ... but just like the "goodness" of those chips, the pleasures of my sins are fleeting, only lasting for a season (see Hebrews 11:25).  After I give in to the temptation and indulge in my sins, I feel weighted down with guilt.  I feel dirty and in need of a spiritual hand washing.  And even after repentance and forgiveness, there are the consequences that follow, just like that trail of chip crumbs.  (Remember King David?  Sins always have consequences!)  Nothing good comes of gratifying unhealthy desires, whether in my physical body or in my spiritual soul.

So, let's stop being fooled. Chips seem great, but they are just chips - no more glory due.  And the devil?  Well, he's just "your enemy the devil who prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)  Thank you, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for piercing my heart through the innocent chatter of my children.

 

"What will you blog about?"

Hello there!  So if you've somehow stumbled upon this site ... I hope you get comfortable and hang around long enough to get to know me!  Most likely you're here because you already know me and saw me post my "blog" to my Facebook page.  (By the way, that's what I call stepping out in faith that I will actually figure out how to do such posting things!)  Yes, this is my first experience with a blog, and might I add I have a feeling I will change the layout and fonts as I have trouble choosing from among the myriad of possibilities.

But is the layout all that important?  Does the font and its size really make a difference?  Should my title font match the rest of the writing on the page? Does it matter that I don't really know what the google+1 gadget is on the sidebar?  And not to mention should the sidebar show up on the right or the left of my posts???  Oh!  My post!  Amazing how you get lost in all the small things and forget the one thing that is the main reason you're here ... isn't it kind of like that in life?

My husband asked me what I would write about on my blog.  I pondered for a second and said, "whatever is on my mind."  It seems that tonight, background and layout are on my mind.  But, as the description states, this site is where a sinner redeemed shares her thoughts on life in light of grace, mercy and love.  So, where does one find those three things in my scattered ramblings about fonts?

Tonight, as I set to launch this blog with the intention of writing to honor my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I found myself worried more about the details and pushing aside the main reason I wanted to write a blog.  I sit here now and wonder, how often do I occupy my time and my mind with so many details that tease my focus away from the priority of my life?  How many times to do I think I'm concerned with the most important One in my life, when really I am simply wasting my efforts on the small things in this life?  Now, hear me out, sometimes the "small things" in my life don't seem so small -- being a wife, a mom, a friend, a teacher, a homemaker, a bill payer, a maid, a cook, a taxi driver, a calendar keeper, need I go on?  Each of those roles in my life involve an innumerable amount of details and they are all important.  But they are not the most important thing ... they are not the ONE thing that requires my full attention FIRST and without apologies.

My thoughts are drawn to the story in chapter 10 of the gospel of Luke, in which we are told of Jesus visiting the home of Martha and her sister Mary.  Martha fussed about, troubling herself with all the details of being a hostess.  Mary simply sat at the feet of her Master and soaked herself in the goodness of his presence. Martha, bless her heart, how many times I have walked in her shoes when she voiced her concern over Mary's obvious lack of zeal for the work to be done.   (I'm usually complaining to my husband about how much there is to be done and how no one seems to care but me! He usually tells me "It's all good, honey!")  Listen, though, to the response Martha receives:  "And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41-42)


Wow.  Conviction right there.  When the Lord is present, don't sweat the small stuff (as goes the title of a popular book).  Of course the question should follow -- when is the Lord not present?  As redeemed believers, shouldn't we constantly seek to bask in His glorious presence?  Yes we should.  And the details of life?  All those 'little' necessities?  "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)  God's got them under control ... When you make HIM your priority, He handles those things for you, multiplying your time, and even adding in a good measure of peaceful rest.

So, I may not have tackled all the details of my blog layout as of yet; but, it's all good!  I am not seeking to impress with colorful details.  I am seeking first the kingdom of my God ... the details will be added later!  Until next time ...